How to make a board game

1) Have an idea. If this idea is a rowing related monopoly rip-off, then this is the guide for you. If it's not, then ignore the rest of the instructions and do your own thing.

2) Design the outline of the board electronically. Work out how many squares there ought to be and the correct proportions.

3) Spend a few days thinking up ideas for chance cards and properties. Write them down.

4) Print off a prototype board

5) Look at the prototype. Think about how it could be better. Make those changes. 

6) Print off the chance, community chest and property cards. I created a property card template and then filled in the other details by hand, but you could also type up the individual properties and print them out.

7) Design the money. Decide you don't like it. Redisgn the money. Realise you need coloured paper.

8) Buy a pack of children's activity coloured paper for the money. Print off the money and have a moment of horror as you realise that you have set yourself the monumental task of cutting out somewhere in the region of 250 monopoly notes. Allow a sense of stubborn pride to kick in. Prepare yourself for a night of watching panorama on iplayer. End the evening fully up to date on current affairs and with a set of cut out monopoly money.

So much money

9) Print out the board on A3 sheets. Spend a considerable amount of time working out how best to position the overlaps.

10) Using a powerful combination of Prittstick and Sellotape, create a 45cmx45cm base out of card. Carefully line up the board, and stick down. Trim around the edges if required.

11) Get out all those sharpies you spontaneously purchased earlier that week and start colouring in, writing in place names and property prices. 

12) Print out some counters onto card. Consider drawing them before remembering a lack of artistic talent. 

13) 'Borrow' some dice from a lesser board game. 

14) Print out blades instead of houses and keep self entertained by colouring them in the colours of all the different cambridge colleges.

15) Find a group of willing test subjects (boatie friends) and entice them with the prospect of tea and cake. Play for a tortuous 3 hours by the end of which you never want to see a monopoly board again.

15) Decorate an amazon box as storage and perform the terrifying task of cutting and folding the board so it fits. Watch with dismay as the paper crinkles slightly and then decide that it doesn't matter all that much. 

The reason I dropped art in year 9 has never been more apparent 

16) Consider the possibility of CUWluedo. 

17) Consider your degree. 

18) Be satisfied with monoply.